A biblical alternative to toxic empathy

In certain Christian circles empathy is making headlines of late, and not for positive reasons. Dire warnings have been issued: empathy is dangerous and even toxic. The charge is that progressives have weaponized empathy for nefarious purposes – to lure faithful Christians to abandon truth in favor of misplaced compassion for sinners.

But is empathy really a slippery slope toward sin? 

First, let’s define it. The National Institute of Health offers this summary: “Empathy is a complex capability enabling individuals to understand and feel the emotional states of others, resulting in compassionate behavior. . . .Compassion is a tender response to the perception of another’s suffering. Compassion cannot exist without empathy, as they are part of the same perception and response continuum that moves human beings from observation to action.”

Scary, right? Joking aside, I can understand a word of caution. We can let our feelings of compassion lead us to excuse sin; we can feel so deeply for the sinner that we become unwilling to call him to repentance. And in such cases, we enable sin and limit the degree to which people can understand and experience the love and acceptance only available through a right relationship with God. Ultimately, there is nothing empathetic or compassionate about that. 

But painting empathy in general as dangerous and toxic? That’s going too far, and we need to look no further than Christ’s example to understand why.

The narrow road of grace and truth

The giant boulder in the road of this line of thinking is the empathetic Christ. In almost all of his interactions with human beings, he demonstrated that complex ability to feel and understand the emotions of others, and to respond compassionately. The only people who did not receive his compassion, ironically, were the unempathetic. More on that in a bit. 

On the pages of the Gospels, we find Christ walking the narrow road of grace and truth. “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17). And that balance is beautifully seen as we observe the Master at a dinner party in a religious leader’s home (Luke 7:36-50):

An uninvited woman of ill repute awkwardly weeps at Jesus’ feet, anointing him with her hair and tears. Notice what he does not do – he does not “take a stand” and call out the woman’s sins. He does not recite the law or disassociate from her. Her actions demonstrate she is already aware of the ways in which her life has fallen short of what God would want from her and point to the humble heart of true repentance. As a result, he merely receives her worship. 

The conservative host, however, grows deeply uncomfortable. He thinks to himself: “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what kind of woman this is who is touching him – that she is a sinner.” 

Knowing his thoughts, Jesus responds with a story illustrating how those who have been forgiven much love much, while those who have been forgiven little love little. His parting words to the woman? “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” 

The ditch of the Pharisees

I can’t help but wonder if the toxic empathy crowd has been forgiven little and therefore loves little.

Without empathy, the woman caught in adultery would have been stoned to death according to the law, with Jesus watching (John 8:1–11). He may have even hurled the first rock at her head.

Without empathy, Christ would have told the thief on the cross that he should have thought about God’s kingdom earlier when he was breaking the law (Luke 23:39-43).

Instead, these sinners found shelter in Christ’s compassion. As his body, we are called to emulate him: “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (2 Corinthians 3:6). 

If we fear empathy, we’re in danger of falling into the ditch of the Pharisees.

The Pharisees venerated the law above all else; they could never be accused of toxic empathy or of any empathy at all. They put the abiding in law-abiding, except they strained gnats, swallowed camels, and neglected the “weightier matters” such as mercy (Matthew 23:23–24). 

As the Gospels make clear, Jesus reserved his most scathing rebukes for them. “Brood of vipers,” “whitewashed tombs,” and “children of hell” were a few of his favorite epithets (Matthew 23). We need to think long and hard about this fact – not a single licentious sinner heard these kinds of castigations from the mouth of Christ. Only the unempathetic did. 

Perhaps the better question is, rather than asking if empathy is toxic, which ditch is more dangerous? 

Sheep or goat?

I’m concerned that slapping a warning label on empathy will give Christians an excuse to descend into callous tribalism. Without compassion, we can devalue those outside the faith and even see them as enemies to be vanquished rather than souls God wants to save. 

I also worry we’ll retain mercy for ourselves while extending none to others: grace for me and not for thee, as the saying goes. If one ditch is tolerating sin, the other is requiring people to obey God’s law before they meet his grace.  

By way of exclamation point, let’s look at the illustration of the sheep and the goats. Jesus—King of kings and King of problematic sayings—tells us plainly how he will divide people into two groups when we stand before his throne. The criteria for righteousness? Not truth—though in his other teachings, he makes clear that truth is important (John 14:6). Rather, it’s compassionate empathy for the least of these, those with whom Christ identifies intimately. 

He does not say a word about this ragged bunch’s law-abiding status, nor what they did to get themselves in the position of being unable to procure water, food, and clothing. There is no honorable mention for those who’ve championed biblical values. He simply says those who have not cared for the least of these “will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life” (Matthew 25:31-46).

What might such healthy empathy look like in our context, then? 

“What are we even doing?”

To take one hot-button issue, perhaps empathy looks like putting ourselves in the shoes of immigrants who’ve crossed our borders illegally. Perhaps it looks like learning about their journeys and realizing that if we were waiting in long lines at the Mexican border with sex traffickers circling, we too might tell our children to jump in and swim for it. Maybe it looks like advocating for their humane treatment instead of writing them off as undesirables whose actions—though illegal—have cost them the right to be treated as people made in the image of God. 

Christian empathy does not mean we should embrace the throwing open of borders without restrictions. While God’s word is clear on how we should treat immigrants, it’s also clear that borders are biblical and the rule of law is to be respected 

Still, we must strive to emulate the author and perfecter of our faith. And he welcomed sinners without waffling on truth. He shielded the woman caught in adultery but also admonished her to go and sin no more. 

With the Holy Spirit’s help—and only with his help—we can avoid the ditches on both sides. We’re still going to get it wrong sometimes because we are not divine, but in view of Christ’s vitriol toward the unempathetic, I would rather err on the side of compassion: “For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13).

I recently discussed these ideas with my pastor and he summed things up perfectly: “If the Incarnation isn’t the ultimate act of empathy, then what are we even doing?”

Let’s reject the kind of toxic empathy that values acceptance over truth while ignoring the existence of sin and its consequences. But let’s not give up on the concept of empathy altogether. Jesus has not given us that option, and those who desperately need to experience his love and mercy cannot afford for us to make that mistake. 

And, as his word makes clear, neither can we (Matthew 25:31–46).